. . .

india

is a hard place to be

when you're nineteen and feeling free

but still unsure of the person who you want to be.

and india

is guaranteed

to create dissonance

between what you believe

and everything you see.

it's a country overcrowded with bodies

but you won't see a single person.

and all those little faces you saw on tv before you came,

housing big, pleading eyes

and hungry mouths,

well they aren't as cute

when they follow you home,

amma, amma

and you have no change,

paisa, paisa

and change won't change much,

and you're sorry.

no, they aren't as cute

when they come from behind

pin your arms to your sides

and their friends, all under ten,

pick your pockets with well-trained hands.

india;

it's a really hard place to be

when you're trying to decide

what school to go to in the fall

or what boy to date back home

and you're still of the conviction that it matters

because you

you're going to do big things.

it's hard,

when nothing reminds you of home

but it's all you can think of anyways.

india is a place you'll want to forget

when you're back in the states

trying to materialize your most basic dreams--

the ones you always felt you deserved--

of a house, a husband, a few kids, & enough to eat.

it's a place that will make you hungrier for that dream

than you've ever been before

but india is a place

that will hide in the back of your mind and whisper,

maybe deserve

isn't a real word

or at least not a word with real meaning.