Monday, March 21, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
a couple friends & i were discussing why we came to india
& what we've learned since we've been here
while we laid on surfboards waiting for a set yesterday.
and while we were talking
i realized how much i dislike the phrase
i don't know why i wanted to come to india.
i didn't know much at all about the country before getting off the plane. one of the main reasons i ended up here is because traveling to india is relatively cheap. and i knew i wanted to go somewhere.
i moved from connecticut to salt lake city when i was fifteen. eight months later i moved to atlanta, and then to hawaii a year after that.
& i've loved it.
i love having best friends scattered across the country. i love feeling home in so many different places.
and i really love change.
i came to india because i wanted change.
i got it.
and it's been hard.
and i admit, i left hoping i would "find myself,"
that ambiguous, inevitable symptom of travel.
i'm never going to find myself.
because i'm not lost.
i have to create myself.
it takes work
but i'm the only one who can do it.
& it doesn't matter one bit where the construction takes place.
aren't the secret to becoming the person who i want to be.
i can be a happy girl at home
or halfway across the world.
& sometimes it takes more courage to stay right where you are.
i still want to see the world. now more than ever.
because i want to eat macroons in paris
& hike denali
& play in the ecuadorian jungle
& surf in australia.
and india has been incredibly good to me.
she's given me wonderful friends.
she's let me sail in the ocean
& dance with the tribes
& make friends with fishermen.
india taught me to play cricket,
to haggle cab drivers,
to cook chapatti,
& to breathe like a yogi.
but i haven't found myself in india.
& it's exciting knowing,
i don't exist yet to be found.
india has simply helped me become a little bit closer
to the person who i want to be.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
lakshmi pointed at my naked ears
as we were sharing an umbrella
"all fancy women must wear earrings."
and tugged at my plain, sorry ears--
the same ears my sister used to fold in half
and scotch tape down,
when we were bored in church.
i wanted to tell lakshmi that i like my ears unadorned--
these tired ears that i stuck with a needle in the seventh grade
because ma wouldn't let me get my cartilage pierced;
for good reason,
it ended in infection
and i can still feel the lumps.
these days i'm learning
i like those simple things best.
i like my skin bare
and my words clear
and my friendships the same.
and though they might appear austere,
these ears can still listen.
Friday, March 4, 2011
i am an obsessive list maker.
i have trouble going to sleep if i don't first pull out my little notebook and make a list of everything i want to get done for tomorrow. i make lists of homework i've gotta do, books i wanna read, emails i've gotta send, places i wanna go... i don't know why i do it. i just do.
i think a lot of it is the rewarding feeling when you strike a black line of ink through your day's demands. it just feels good.
but sometimes a day goes by and i didn't get anything done that i wanted to. things come up & plans change & yada yada you know this. and then disappointment hits when i go back to the day's list & i can't cross out a single thing.
so these past couple months, i started making a new kind of list. a better kind. before i go to bed each night, i make a list of the things that i already DID that day. a celebratory list of all the good things.
so here's to today. cheers.
-i woke up at 7 with my alarm, & i didn't push snooze once.
-i ran six miles.
-i went to class... all of it.
-i skyped my maggie eliza :)
-i typed up interview notes for 2 hours = death.
-i went on my first sailing excursion ever.
-i severely impressed a group of teenage indian boys by writing the telugu alphabet.
-i finished reading outliers & started pride & prejudice.
-i emailed my parents.
-i took some photos.
-oh, and i online shopped. (you see how this works? if you go about it the right way, you can even make yourself feel good about things you were feeling mildly guilty about. jen, be expecting a package at your door in about a week.)
i think everyone should try it. it helps you reflect on the day and recognize even the littlest things you accomplished.
it helps you remember that you are awesome.
and when you're trying to reinforce good habits, it makes you feel good on those days you succeed, and it lets you know when you need to try a little bit harder.
hope everyone's day was filled with goodness.