Monday, February 28, 2011

. . .


is a hard place to be

when you're nineteen and feeling free

but still unsure of the person who you want to be.

and india

is guaranteed

to create dissonance

between what you believe

and everything you see.

it's a country overcrowded with bodies

but you won't see a single person.

and all those little faces you saw on tv before you came,

housing big, pleading eyes

and hungry mouths,

well they aren't as cute

when they follow you home,

amma, amma

and you have no change,

paisa, paisa

and change won't change much,

and you're sorry.

no, they aren't as cute

when they come from behind

pin your arms to your sides

and their friends, all under ten,

pick your pockets with well-trained hands.


it's a really hard place to be

when you're trying to decide

what school to go to in the fall

or what boy to date back home

and you're still of the conviction that it matters
because you
you're going to do big things.

it's hard,

when nothing reminds you of home

but it's all you can think of anyways.

india is a place you'll want to forget

when you're back in the states

trying to materialize your most basic dreams--

the ones you always felt you deserved--

of a house, a husband, a few kids, & enough to eat.

it's a place that will make you hungrier for that dream

than you've ever been before

but india is a place

that will hide in the back of your mind and whisper,

maybe deserve
isn't a real word
or at least not a word with real meaning.


Anna Diederich said...

amy. i. love. this. beautiful.

Madeline K. Rupard said...

Thanks so much for your comment! The comments I get from people I don't know are even more flattering :). Your photography is stunning. I have a close friend who is going to India so I'm definitely going to show her this beautiful post.

Alyssa Brooke said...

You.are.amazing. this is moving and beautiful. the pictures are incredible. love you amy

Ally said...

I don't know if it's really okay for me to leave a comment since I've only talked to you on the phone once. But dang, I loved this! Seriously, it a made me want to cry, go back to India, and come home all at the same time. And your pictures are beautiful!

Marni said...

Beautiful Amy,

I had no idea you were here! I spent the last fifteen minutes getting the chills/wanting to be you! How are you doing that?! Indian, Africa and Thailand are at the top of the list of where I want to go right now. So jealous! You seem to be truly making the most of your stay. Thank you for letting me in on this, I will tune in regularly.

Love to you!


Amy Hanson said...

thanks for the comments guys!!

madeline, you are seriously talented. i love your blog.

ally, i'm glad you liked the post! i am heading to provo in the fall, we will have to meet up & talk sometime! i think we are family somehow anywho? haha.

and marni, thank you so much! i am in a study abroad/field study through the kennedy center. i would love to go to the jerusalem center! it must have been an incredible experience.

janis said...

this was so beautifully written, i am really impressed. and such gorgeous photos to accompany the text...

Jaci Smith said...

This is exactly how I feel. You've put it so eloquently. Thank you.

p.s. miss you here in Kakinada! Can't wait to be back soon.

Kylie said...

wow! amy this is amazing. beautiful beautiful photos - spence and i are blown away. beautifully written, too. thanks for sharing!

Amy Hanson said...

janis- thank you! i loved checking out your blog, it is adorable!!

jaci- nice photo sistah. haha.

kylie- thank you! photos from the tuvalu trip look incredible!! it must have been an awesome experience.

abl said...

this is amazing.
i cant even imagine the experiences you are having right now. it seems your eyes are being opened, which to me is something it seems people try to ignore and run from, but gives life much more meaning and purpose.
i am jealous.
hope you arent too homesick(:

Amz said...

I've been perusing your blog for the last hour (gasp!) Not sure how I stumbled upon your blog, but I was your sister Sarah's roommate eons ago when we were at BYU together (love that girl!). Anyway, I don't even know you, but you've drawn me in with your amazing photography and writing. You have such a way with words and your pictures tell a thousand stories. What kind of camera do you shoot with? And what is your lens? In my wildest of wild dreams, I am a photographer...I hope they come true some day.