200 & counting.

i love yoga.

er. class.

i really do like yoga. it's good exercise, it clears my mind, makes my back feel good.

but it's probably that character flaw of mine

- not being able to take serious things seriously -

that makes me keep enrolling in yoga classes.

it all started freshman year of high school, when me & my sis signed up for yoga at the community center. we were literally the only people under 50 in the room. and also the only people capable of holding our farts until class was over.

it was funny.

(i was 14.)

it continued when brennan & i started going to yoga class at the YMCA in atlanta.

i was doing fine controlling my laughter for several classes, until our teacher started advertising her teenage son to the two of us, saying things like,

"oh you should meet him! just this morning i walked into the kitchen, and there he was doing the tree pose! you'd love him."

(unfortunately we never met. bummer. he really sounded like a man's man.)

but still, i remained composed.

until the day when we learned the lion pose.

the lion pose is funny.

come on.

i busted up laughing during this one. but, to be fair, she totally primed me for it by exclaiming beforehand,

"now this should just feel DELICIOUS!"

really, lady? delicious?

anywho, i'm now taking yoga class in india.

our guru is a very sweet older man who's 390 times more flexible than i am.

and when i struggle touching my head to my knee caps, he comes around and tries to force my muscles into complying, until he realizes it really is impossible, like i've been insisting, and he turns back to his mat tsk tsking.

and in between his bouts of disappointment, he makes sure to enlighten us on becoming one with the universal consciousness, & praying to the goddesses, & on breathing well.

apparently our respiratory rate is WAY more important than i ever realized.

here's what i learned today:

the average dog breathes 30 times/minute, and his average life span is 12ish.

the average human breathes 18 times/minute. our average life span is 70ish.

elephants - 12 breaths/minute, lifespan 150.

tortoises - 3 times/minute, lifespan 200.

(please don't google any of these numbers. just believe.)

now the evidence is all there.

the number of breaths we take per minute determines our life span.

reduce your breaths, prolong your life.

it's a cut & dried math equation.

according to my guru, humans are intended to live at least 120 years. but we breathe much too superficially. several yogis have, however, lived to be upwards of 200 years, all because they reduced their respiratory rate.

(again. don't ask for names. no need to check these facts.)

i'm ashamed to admit i started laughing at this point. just for a second. i caught myself.

it was funny. to me.

and yet i keep finding myself consciously trying to hold my breath for a few seconds longer than usual before i let it out.